Unsolicited Testimonials

The Bronze eye On the Prize

"All my hard work in ringfencing our budget during the year was almost undone when the finance team spotted my 10% contingency money. They were about to make my life hell, when a friend recommended the Gizzard people. In minutes, they were able to fax an horrific story of toilet related misadventures which frankly revolted me. When the finance team refused to pay up, they posted in some pictures showing dazed, spattered survivors of a restroom catastrophe which put two of them out on disability. Now the finance team have required all the other managers to pad their budget by 10% until the employee with the bowel problem is identified!"

"I'll never forget the mess they described. Their rich, flowing prose, redolent with euphuistic imagery evoked haunting echos of a restroom befouled in a most lavish and furious manner. For days afterwards, I choked back stinging tears of horror at the thought that someone in my company could perpetrate such an abomination, even though I knew it all to be a mares nest constructed for my project. I still feel shame when I think of the head of finance, and the recurring bouts of alternating fecal abhorrence and fascination he now endures in the mental hospital. That poor soul!"

"Obnoxious!"

"Not guilty, your honour!"

The Silver Pocket Lining

"Quite what the international maritime convention of 1756 has to do with either the Spanish Inquisition, or my team of overworked Cobol programmers I'll never know, but fortunately, neither will anyone else. It got me out of a hole, and the head of Legal thinks the Illuminati are after him after he researched one of the more arcane references!"

"What an idea! The legal team found the Gizzard's ideas so startling, complex and puzzling that they've never got beyond questioning the first line item."

"Impenetrable jargon, obscure precedents, torturous references deep into the midst of huge legal tomes! Precisely what I needed! Excellent service, followed by swift invoices."

"I couldn't understand a word they said, but the legal guys seem thoroughly cowed."

The Golden Fleece

"Even better than the real thing. The Gizzard consultants knocked everyone off balance with their unorthordox faux management consultancy style. Within two days of them descending on the company, the regional director called me into his office with a pained expression on his face. It turns out he thought the CEO had ordered them in to expose ineffeciencies in his management team. He wept openly about his fears for the future, and appealed to me, as his obvious successor, to see if I could find a place for him."

"What an operation! They cleaned out my budget in twenty days, and produced so many reports that we've had to hire a real consultancy to read them and tell us what they mean."

"I got 7 years for my part in their dirty little scam!"