The Golden Fleece

For the truly lazy manager, who has really let himself go. You know your company needs you to spend that money on vital projects to ensure its very survival, but since the last round of layoffs, you've been too busy writing up your resume. Besides, those bozos had you down for a painful extraction yourself until that guy they had lined up to take your job left for twice the salary somewhere else.

With almost all your budget still to spend, and almost no work done planning how to spend it, you need our deluxe Golden Fleece product. The Golden Fleece is specially designed to swallow large budgets, and leave you with mountains of reports all pointing to a huge requirement for next year.

This product works on tried and tested methods, used by legitimate consultancy companies. We send in a team of experts who immediately set to work distracting everyone in the organisation with management consultancy interviews. They collate all the good ideas people in your company have, and write them up in expensively bound reports. Unlike the legitimate consultancies though, we make sure all the best ideas are attributed to you instead of us. You'll shine through as a charismatic, energetic ideas guy, with the drive and determination necessary to pull the company out of its slump. With this product, promotion is a very real danger! You may need to take out additional "Works too hard" medical insurance if you need to duck being promoted to even more stress and responsibility.